literature

The Bow Tie Chronicles - Chapter One

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Literature Text

Occasional Language

I had been living in Scotland for six months, all for this very moment. When I'd heard the rumours that Señor Lienzo Caliente was relocating to Scotland to hone his craft, I packed my bags and followed suit. Back in México he was a hero, a household name. Wherever he walked they paved with gold.

Now he was here.

I awaited his arrival at Edinburgh Airport expecting fanfare and excitement; a nation joyously accepting an international treasure. But there was nothing. I stood back, hoping that it may all be hidden from view to surprise him as he strolled through Arrivals. A marching band could perhaps emerge, signalling this momentous occasion. Throngs of excited dancers and singers and jugglers and acrobats could spring from hiding places and create a spectacle worthy of such a hero. But there was nothing. He collected his bags from the carousel and caught the number 37 bus.

I was appalled. Sickened. Even as a lowly fan, I knew that this God Amongst Men deserved respect. He deserved that marching band and the dancers and acrobats. Perhaps the jugglers would have been overkill, but it would have been nice.

It was at that moment in the airport, standing to one side and witnessing a hero disgraced, that I realised it would be up to me to herald his greatness. I would step up to the plate and sing his glories from the rooftops. I decided to dedicate my life to ensuring that the people of Scotland would know the name Lienzo Caliente. And maybe along the way they would learn mine too. The man who gave Scotland a Mexican Hero: Bradford Kirkwood.

From that day forward, I vowed to never allow him to enter a room unannounced. It was why, mere moments before Lienzo Caliente was set to debut for Paramount Wrestling, that I was about to do the same. Lienzo's opponent for the night had made his entrance. The ring announcer Cassandra Blake introduced me in her high-pitched-shriek of a voice. I pushed my way through the thick curtain, coming face-to-face with the unwashed masses.

They took an instant dislike to me as my bowtie and I headed for the ring. They already knew that I was better than them. By stepping through that curtain I had already accomplished more than they would in their entire lifetimes.

I accepted the microphone from the ring announcer. Miss Blake was a petit, blonde trollop with a miniskirt you could more accurately label a belt. I shooed the skank away, she was no longer needed.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. He graces us with his presence aaaaall the way from La Cucaracha, Méxicooo. Weighing in at a lean, trim, buff, stacked, toned 185lbs, he is a Mexican Legend and Your. New. Hero: Leeee enzo Caaaaaaaaaaaaliente!"

He broke through the curtain with confidence, his intricately sequinned mask glistening under the spotlights. It was obvious that the locals didn't understand or appreciate his brilliance. They booed, not realising the true importance of what was unfolding before their eyes. But Lienzo knew. His eyes were alive as he strutted to the ring, blowing kisses to the ladies even though they were nowhere near the class he deserved.

He floated up to the ring apron and paused, allowing the crowd to appreciate his form, perhaps take a photograph. Then he was moving again, using the ropes expertly to propel himself into the ring.

And that's when shit got serious.

OCCASIONAL LANGUAGE

Bradford Kirkwood is a loyal, die hard wrestling fan. So loyal that when his hero (and yours: Lienzo Caliente) moves to Scotland to 'reinvigorate' his career, he has no choice but to follow suit.

But Paramount Wrestling have dropped the ball. Lienzo Caliente arriving in Scotland - what should have been a memorable and joyous day heralded in fanfare- was no more than an embarrassment, and Bradford isn't going to stand for it. He crosses the guardrail and the line to ensure his idol Señor Caliente gets the treatment he truly deserves!

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